Years ago, a friend of mine was in a very tough job.\u00a0 Underpaid and overburdened, she wasn\u2019t sleeping enough.\u00a0 She was losing weight.\u00a0 Yet she continued to live and breathe work, pushing herself as if her internal resources were limitless.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t do this anymore,\u201d she told me finally.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m gonna quit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cQuit?\u201d\u00a0 I peered at her.\u00a0 \u201cWhy don\u2019t you impress me and take a day off?\u201d<\/p>\n
How is it that we can sometimes contemplate drastic measures more readily than modest ones?\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s our culture of fashion makeovers, crash diets and get-rich-quick schemes.\u00a0 Or maybe Easy Does It just doesn’t occur to us when we\u2019re in the trenches.\u00a0 In any case, we tend to forget \u201chow radical it [is] to be moderate,\u201d as Saul Bellow put it.<\/p>\n
As a lapsed pianist, I find myself up against this all the time.\u00a0 Sit down and play,<\/em> I coax myself.\u00a0 Just have fun for twenty or thirty minutes.\u00a0 You\u2019ll feel better. <\/em>Sounds reasonable, right?<\/p>\n But then my evil twin gets involved. What\u2019s half an hour going to do?\u00a0 Your technique is shot.\u00a0 Your sightreading is hopeless.\u00a0 Either practice two hours a day, or sell your Baldwin!<\/em><\/p>\n Of course I recognize that voice as bullying and grandiose.\u00a0 But what a convenient distraction: as long as I\u2019m busy reacting to the bully, I don\u2019t need to park myself at the keyboard.<\/p>\n Lately I\u2019ve been trying to do some research into self-publishing options for my current novel.\u00a0 There\u2019s never been a better time for authors to go this route; it\u2019s quite affordable and offers a lot of creative control, and I\u2019m thrilled that I could have The Measure of His Grief<\/em> out there soon.\u00a0 But there\u2019d be so much to consider\u2014cover design, formatting decisions, electronic versions, marketing strategies\u2014that I find myself teetering on the brink of Totally Overwhelmed.<\/p>\n Enter evil twin:\u00a0 You think writing the manuscript was hard?\u00a0 Now you\u2019re REALLY in over your head.\u00a0 You don\u2019t know from graphic design.\u00a0 You don\u2019t know from publicity.\u00a0 You\u2019d need to cancel your life for the next two years to do this right!<\/em><\/p>\n That\u2019s how daunting it can feel even to dip my toe in the water.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not so much that I need to lecture myself about a thousand-mile journey beginning with one step.\u00a0 Rather, I need to open myself to the possible pleasure<\/em> of the baby step, because it\u2019s from that openness that I find I can clear my head and start to solve problems.<\/p>\n Of course there are times when a toe-dip isn\u2019t the answer.\u00a0 My friend in the bad job did wind up having to quit; her health was at stake.\u00a0 And baby steps don\u2019t work for problems like oil spills.\u00a0 But in many cases, a tiny act can be the bravest and most eloquent thing we can do.<\/p>\n So for now, I\u2019m going to do two or three small things a day to learn about my publishing options, and see if my excitement and inspiration might just bubble to the surface and replace fear.<\/p>\n While I\u2019m at it, I think I\u2019ll make a little time for the piano.<\/p>\n Published in The Piedmont Post<\/em>, June 2, 2010<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Years ago, a friend of mine was in a very tough job.\u00a0 Underpaid and overburdened, she wasn\u2019t sleeping enough.\u00a0 She was losing weight.\u00a0 Yet she continued to live and breathe work, pushing herself as if her internal resources were limitless. \u201cI can\u2019t do this anymore,\u201d she told me finally.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m gonna quit.\u201d \u201cQuit?\u201d\u00a0 I peered…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[121,122],"yoast_head":"\n