\u201cThink before you speak\u201d\u2014could there be a clearer path to a wholesome life?<\/p>\n
But clinical tests now show that verbal restraint can lead to significant health problems.\u00a0 Indeed, unspoken zingers and lost chances to tell someone where to go were recently identified as primary causes of word deposits in the body.\u00a0 Researchers believe these fatty deposits are directly correlated with Impacted Vowel Syndrome, a condition that in severe cases may also involve consonants.<\/p>\n
I myself suffered from IVS, and had numerous doctors dismiss my symptoms as psychosomatic, before an astute diagnostician properly identified my condition.\u00a0 Thankfully, I was able to reintroduce the pointed barb into my verbal repertoire before it was too late.<\/p>\n
If only I\u2019d been aware of my condition years ago!\u00a0 Your book is about equality, yet it\u2019s written in jargon for the elite<\/em>, I would have said to a smug sociology professor.\u00a0 And, to an attractive acquaintance:\u00a0 Are you consciously trying to ruin your lovely features with that horrible hairstyle?<\/em><\/p>\n One time I was parked on College Avenue in Berkeley, just south of Ashby.\u00a0 Evan and Reuben had run into Gordo\u2019s Taqueria on our way to some lesson or other, and I was waiting in the car where I could keep an eye on them.<\/p>\n An officer of the law appeared.\u00a0 \u201cMa\u2019am, you\u2019re in a bus zone,\u201d he pointed out helpfully.<\/p>\n Yes, and do you notice that buses never, EVER pull over into their designated spots in this infuriating town?\u00a0 That they leave their butts out in traffic and tie cars up for blocks behind?\u00a0 \u00a0Tell you what.\u00a0 Just as soon as you cite bus drivers for NOT using this spot, you can cite me for using it!<\/em><\/p>\n Unaware of the therapeutic powers of such a response, I opted for \u201cSo sorry, officer.\u00a0 But I haven\u2019t left my car.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoesn\u2019t matter, Ma\u2019am.\u00a0 You\u2019re parked illegally.\u201d\u00a0 Out came the citation pad.<\/p>\n \u201cBut\u2014I have to keep an eye on my kids,\u201d I whined, instead of If you were actually out there fighting crime, I wouldn\u2019t have to obsess about keeping my children within eyesight. <\/em> In retrospect, I swear I could feel the word deposits forming on my liver.<\/p>\n \u201cMa\u2019am, you should\u2019ve parked legally and accompanied them.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut I\u2019m in my car!\u00a0 And I\u2019d move if a bus came,\u201d I added halfheartedly.<\/p>\n He peered at me skeptically, then kept scribbling.<\/p>\n You\u2019re right, I probably wouldn\u2019t\u2014because those traffic barricades force you to travel two miles out of your way to go around the block! \u00a0Head up Ashby, and next thing you know, you\u2019re in Orinda!\u00a0 I\u2019m saving gas here!\u00a0 I\u2019m saving the planet!\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that considered correct behavior in Berkeley?<\/em><\/p>\n I held my tongue, and was sick for weeks afterward.\u00a0 Since the ticket was nearly $400, I naturally attributed my symptoms to hemorrhage.<\/p>\n These days I\u2019m better.\u00a0 I even recently came clean with a cousin who always thought I shared her appreciation of the Beatles\u2019 \u201cI Saw Her Standing There\u201d (it\u2019s abominable).<\/p>\n With my IVS in remission, life is much more manageable.\u00a0 For me, at least.\u00a0 I can\u2019t speak for those around me.<\/p>\n Published in the Piedmont Post<\/em>, February 9, 2011<\/p>\n Please visit my web site, www.lisabravermoss.com.\u00a0 Thanks!<\/p>\n \n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cThink before you speak\u201d\u2014could there be a clearer path to a wholesome life? But clinical tests now show that verbal restraint can lead to significant health problems.\u00a0 Indeed, unspoken zingers and lost chances to tell someone where to go were recently identified as primary causes of word deposits in the body.\u00a0 Researchers believe these fatty…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[147,112,148,149,150],"yoast_head":"\n