Late one recent afternoon, spinning my wheels on all kinds of tasks that needed my attention, I called my sister Erica. \u00a0\u201cHey Eri, wanna go get a drink, or a cup of coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell\u2014um, I\u2019m kind of cleaning up my apartment, and\u2014\u201d her voice was tiny.\u00a0 \u201cI could use a hand.\u201d<\/p>\n
She was asking?\u00a0 Forget the drink.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be right over.\u201d<\/p>\n
For months, I\u2019d been offering to help my sister, who\u2019s not a born housekeeper.\u00a0 But she\u2019d been feeling too ashamed of her chaos to accept my offer\u2014and too overwhelmed to tackle the job on her own.\u00a0 That she was now extending an invitation to me was, in the language of sisters, something of an honor.<\/p>\n
I know how thorny it can be to do spring cleaning, how myriad the opportunities for self-reproach:<\/p>\n
I bought these pants, but who am I kidding? <\/em><\/p>\n What kind of person lets mail pile up like this?<\/em><\/p>\n Why didn\u2019t I keep the moisture out of this now-unusable dishwasher soap?<\/em><\/p>\n How did I create such a monster out of plenty?<\/em><\/p>\n I headed over to Eri\u2019s and walked into the kind of disorder only a trained eye would recognize as evidence of progress.\u00a0 I began scrounging around for empty bags in which to put the castoffs.\u00a0 We gained momentum, and in a few hours, we\u2019d filled dozens of bags with giveaway, recycling and garbage.\u00a0 \u201cIf you regret anything, you can always get it back on eBay or at the flea market,\u201d I chanted, as much to myself as to her.<\/p>\n Eri seemed anxious that I was going to lose steam or, worse, start lecturing her.\u00a0 But for me, the work wasn\u2019t hard; I appreciated its concreteness, the discarded items piling up nicely in the hallway.\u00a0 And I felt no urge to criticize my sister or tell her what to do. \u00a0I had my own pile of stuff I didn\u2019t want to face: an e-mail inbox I hadn\u2019t purged in a year and a half; that Advance Directive form I kept meaning to fill out; research on the various options for authors wishing to make their books available in electronic form.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve been on the receiving end of sisterly hand-holding many, many times.\u00a0 Home moves, babysitting, post-surgical care, fridge cleaning, remodeling decisions, party throwing, proofreading of galleys.\u00a0 Until now, I hadn\u2019t fully grasped the most important part of that generosity: countering any self-condemnation the other person may be feeling about not being able to manage everything herself.<\/p>\n How is it that we\u2019re all convinced our mess is the worst, our shame the most legitimate?\u00a0 While Eri waited for disapproval, I could only admire her for being brave enough to let me in.<\/p>\n Something must have shifted during my unplanned vacation, because when I returned to my own chaos, I found I was able to tackle it much better, as if my hand-holding of Eri were now magically extended inward.<\/p>\n And a few days later, Eri called to tell me she was re-organizing her kitchen cabinets.\u00a0 By herself.<\/p>\n For more about Lisa, please visit www.lisabravermoss.com.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Late one recent afternoon, spinning my wheels on all kinds of tasks that needed my attention, I called my sister Erica. \u00a0\u201cHey Eri, wanna go get a drink, or a cup of coffee?\u201d \u201cWell\u2014um, I\u2019m kind of cleaning up my apartment, and\u2014\u201d her voice was tiny.\u00a0 \u201cI could use a hand.\u201d She was asking?\u00a0 Forget…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[151,113,152,153,154],"yoast_head":"\n